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| Year Two Comic Archive Page 3 |
| ALL ARTWORK COPYRIGHT BILL WILSON 2008 |
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| Artist's Commentary Just what is it that makes a woman appealing? Is it just her looks or are men looking for something more substantial, deeper. I've been accused of being shallow, but I believe that if you look at the quotes below you'll see why I'm attracted to Morticia Addams. She's irresistible, she's charming, and above all, she has the right attitude about the needy. Debbie Jellinsky: These Addams men, where do you find them? [about Pubert] Morticia: I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade. Morticia: Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind. Morticia: Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you? Morticia: Hush Mama. It's for charity. Widows and orphans. We need more of them.
Published July 14, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Please don't take this cartoon as being judgmental. I'm all for people decorating whatever part of their body they feel so inclined. People have sported tattoos and intentional scaring for thousands of years. I'm especially fascinated with Sigmoidoscopaths. These are a group of dedicated yogis who spend years training their intestines and colons to snake around into patterns that spell out poems to their beloveds. I'm not sure how their true loves actually read them. If it were me, and my beloved said she'd composed an intestinal poem for me, I'd simply take her word for it. But I'm not what one would call the romantic type. Published July 21, 2008
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Artist's Commentary I'm not a scientist, but I have it on expert authority (my grandmother told me so, so it has to be true) that rain is truly liquid sunshine. And if a scientist of Dorf's caliber says snow is frozen moonbeams, then I'll take his word for it. Published July 28, 2008
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Artist's Commentary According to Title 21, Code of Federal Regulations, Part 110.110 of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, the food we consume cannot exceed a certain level of insect fragments and rodent hairs and feces. Below are a few examples.
Published August 4, 2008
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Artist's Commentary For those of you not trained in the grammatical arts, I've included a dictionary below. flocculent - having a fluffy or woolly appearance. The chinchilla has approximately 20,000 hairs per square centimeter, the highest density of any land animal (on Earth), and is considered the softest (on Earth). Doozer probably has a lot less, but since I need reading glasses just to type this commentary, I'm really not in any position to do a truly scientific study. indubitable - unquestionable; too apparent to be doubted. An example of indubitable would be anything your grandmother told you about the curative powers of castor oil. Austrailias - Latin term for Australia, land of boomerangs, salt water crocodiles, and severely strained English pronunciations rivaling the British. Marsupialis - Latin term for marsupials, an infraclass of mammals. If you're not familiar with the term infraclass, take a course in taxonomy. Felithylacinus - an extremely rare half cat (felindae), half carnivorous marsupial (thylacinus). Doozer is only loosely associated with his carnivorous side eating only poultry, fish, pork, and red meats. Cutesy Bootsy - a term of endearment used by those usually wishing to compliment one person while at the same time causing severe stomach cramps for everyone else. Published August 11, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Big sticks, sharp teeth and razor like claws: this is what many people naively believe protects them from potential aggressors. Nothing could be further from the truth. History has shown that nothing drives away aggressors better than good hygiene. This is especially true of dental hygiene. Any good dental hygienist will tell you that people suffering from gingivitis or periodontitis are eleven times more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than those with gleaming white teeth and healthy pink gums. So, the next time you find yourself in a bad part of town, late at night, stranded, and all alone, forget your mace, your guns and your knives. Just pull out your trusty toenail clippers, give yourself a quick manicure and follow that by a healthy brushing and flossing of those old choppers. Nothing wins over inner city gangs members, bikers, or terrorists like a the well groomed citizen. *Warning. This does not apply to mimes, clowns, Dawn of the Dead zombies or other social deviants. If you meet with any of these in a dark deserted alley, all bets are off. Published August 18, 2008 |
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Artist's Commentary "Man who keep feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting on pants." "Man who sit on tack get point." "Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy." Just a few of the saying by the great Oriental philosopher Confusedus. Not terribly profound, I'll admit, but just how deeply philosophical can one be after a life time of training to defend oneself by smashing one's cranium into bricks, boards, and cinder blocks.
Published August 25, 2008 |
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Artist's Commentary Maxx is actually a great fan of oriental philosophers. One of his favorites is Yang Zhu (370-319 B.C.) of the Zhou Dynasty (1122-256 B.C.) who said:
Published September 1, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Massacres come and massacres go. Samson killed a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. Of course, since then many have met an untimely demise from an ass's jawbone. But, I think that of all the most stirring and heart rending massacres recorded in history, the saga of Alice's Restaurant Massacree would have to top the list. The tale is too long to tell here, but if you ever get the chance, try and dig up an old *record album and listen to the tale of Alice's Restaurant Massacree. It's 18 minutes and 20 seconds of woe and sorry not heard since the *Akallabeth. * For those of you unfamiliar with the term "record album" that's a large round disc made of vinyl and imprinted with tiny ridges over which a stylus, or needle, is run producing pre-recorded sounds. *Akallabeth is the fourth part of J.R.R. Tolkein's The Silmarillion and relates the history and downfall of Numenor and it's people. Warning: There was also a full length movie made of Alice's Restaurant Massacree and if you married an ex-hippie like I did, should you make the mistake of mentioning either the movie or the album, you'll be subjected to hours off key renditions of the Alice's Resturaunt theme song. Just a friendly warning. Published September 8, 2008
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Artist's Commentary In the world of language, there is what people say and what people hear. The two seldom coincide. Published September 15, 2008
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Artist's Commentary If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf Published September 22, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Roller coasters are best measured in either g-forces or g/o forces. G- force is the measure of acceleration of an object and g/o force is the measure of gross out a force or movement can generate. Fighter and stunt pilots regularly pull between 6 and 9 g's. Between these numbers one can experience a brownout/ greyout which is caused by a pooling of the blood in the feet and legs and characterized by temporary tunnel vision, color vision loss and an inability to interpret verbal commands. They normally wear g-suits to push the blood back to their brains to prevent this. The g/o factor is measured by the amount of regurgitation experienced by someone during accelleration or violent movements. It's obvious Maxx was interested in the latter, because Grumps generally relegate 6 to 9 g amusement rides to the amusement park kiddie section. Published September 29, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Grump boys love their mothers, the meaner, the badder, the uglier she is, the better. Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. Published October 6, 2008
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Artist's Commentary One of the grotesqueries of present day American life is the amount of reasoning that goes into displaying the wisdom secreted in bad movies while proving that modern art is meaningless. They have put into practice the notion that a bad art work cleverly interpreted according to some obscure Method is more rewarding than a masterpiece wrapped in silence. Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter, I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for. Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. Published October 13, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Heaven wouldn't be heaven for most of us if you still had to watch your weight. The extensive theological research I've done has shown that one of the perks of heaven will be the ability to pig out with no consequences. On the down side, some of the quirky, odd ball behavior many people exhibit do carry over. Drinking diet soda for no other reason than because one actually likes the taste, or rather the after taste, is what any reasonable person would have to characterize as quirky and oddball. Published October 20, 2008 |
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Artist's Commentary Politics is largely governed by sententious platitudes which are devoid of truth. Published October 27, 2008
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Artist's Commentary Actually, it depends on what you're trying to do. If it's raw speed you want, kitten fur is the way to go. Puppy fur is more clingy and therefore more conducive for tight turns and spins. Published November 3, 2008
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Artist's Commentary I don't have a medical degree, but everything I've read on the subject claims that mud packs are useful in the treating and curing of: internal diseases, bruises, sprains, boils, and wounds. It also relieves inner congestion, promotes heat radiation and eliminates morbid matter. It can also be used to treat measels, gout, kidney and liver malfunctions toothache, rheumatism, scarlet fever, neuralgia, diptheria, etc., etc. WOW!!! No wonder pigs are so healthy. I guess that proves if we simply stopped bathing and amassed enough dirt over our bodies, we'd be a lot healthier. Who knows, if we get dirty enough, we might eliminate death. Published November 10, 2008
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ALL ARTWORK COPYRIGHT BILL WILSON 2008